fbpx
janhoistad@drjanhoistad.com

5 Habits of Dual-Career Couples Balancing Work and Family

    As a couple, you expect to be not only romantic partners, but also to partner in the business of creating a home, managing work-lives and possibly raising a family together. Stressors and uncertainties brought on by the coronavirus pandemic—the necessity to be-at-home for an even longer extended time—may be exposing the signs and symptoms of your relationship strengths, as well as your weak spots. Let's break this down... Self-Care and Addressing Your Relationship Needs The Benefits of Working it Out Together Five Essential Habits of of Committed Couples While the data is not in on impacts of this pandemic on couples, families and the society at large, we do know that when couples do not partner well it exacerbates feelings of disconnection. It leads to loneliness, living like "roommates" and many times, it leads to divorce. The accompanying fears and decisions the coronavirus situation calls for—the short and long-term impacts—can be overwhelming. Especially if you don't know how to stay connected and communicate well through the stress. It will increase any fissure between you. Big Picture Relationship Coaching keeps dual-career couples working successfully together, even during difficult times. It's done by supporting one another's individual needs and strengthening your ability to make decisions and arrive at mutually satisfying solutions together. Addressing Your Relationship Needs Is Part of Self-Care The phase we're entering now, with it's mixed messages about what to do and how to respond—is undoubtedly magnifying your couple connection. It may even be increasing the [...]

11 Ways to Cope with Transitions & Change You Don’t Choose

  A Perspective on These Times Life is not going back to "the ways it was." It's never going to be the same. It's a hard truth and as much as you may wish to return to the former, more comfortable ways, everything is shifting. And the shifting continues. Today, the demand is to be flexible and resilient as you navigate through these shifts--toward what will eventually become our "new normal." Because these shifts are both internal and external, because these shifts are massive, global, and happening at such great speed, it's important that you ground and care for yourself. You have things you want to accomplish, experiences you want to experience, and contributions you want to make in this lifetime. So there's "bigger work" to do--to steady yourself, to connect you to yourself and others, to help you stay open to possibilities often unexpected. And unexpected options and change can feel terribly disruptive. Right now you and others you know may be resisting, balking, or fighting the change--trying to push through and control the "final" outcomes, Often behaving impulsively. Others may respond by "giving up" on their dreams. Often retreating in a way that is depression, addiction, or other escapism. What's important to know is that "You Can Do This Work" is demanded of all of us. That's right. We're all still in this together. It wasn't just the pandemic we were all in together, Going through these shifts requires all of us. Coaching support can help you through [...]

Keys to Confidence, Security and Emotional Connection for Couples: Creating a Big Picture Partnership

Couples lives are complicated! Integrating both your needs while also balancing work and personal or family desires can be a challenge. Knowing how to work as partners, how to come together as a team, is a choice, a value and a skill that can be developed. When things are going well between you, your relationship and life feels good. Things work smoothly. Like many couples difficulties arise when you have to make decisions together and do not see eye-to-eye. When you want different things or have different needs. This can happen at any stage of relationship. Having the tools and skills to navigate your differences together builds a deep sense of trust. Its a sense of security and emotional connection that grows with experience as you go through good times and face life's ups and downs together—all the while focusing on creating the relationship you desire and achieving your dreams. This article breaks down the who, what, where and how couples can better communicate and connect to each other. Why the Destination Counts Different Approaches or Styles of Relating Benefits Course Offerings Choices of Relationship Style So, differences are not a bad thing. They are part of life, part of our individuality and uniqueness. Sharing who you are with your mate, your partner, and finding ways to come together is key. How do you get on the same page? How do you learn to partner and work together well so your relationship grows and lasts a lifetime? It comes [...]

Relationship Reset: Let’s Clarify the Relationship You Desire

DIFFERENT STYLES IMPACT YOUR RELATIONSHIP SUCCESS This video introduces 4 different styles of communicating and relating to one another that Dr. Jan has identified in every couple. When mixed together, they can create confusion and conflict. Consciously clarifying the style of relating your desire, and actively learning the skills to reach it, can help keep couples stay connected for a lifetime. Clarify Your Destination and Confidently Work Together to Get There You may be single, newly engaged, and planning your wedding, raising school-age children, or even facing the empty nest and “what shall we do now?” stage. It doesn’t matter where you are right now. What matters is—identifying your destination—where you want to grow with your relationship. Knowing your options and how you want to work together is key.   I’ve been coaching couples for many years, helping them develop strong, vibrant relationships and fulfilling work and family lives. What I know is this: Once you become informed about four (4) unique styles of relating I’ve identified, you’ll have an opportunity to decide just what kind of relationship you want to create. Then, learning the tools and skills of partnering will benefit you for a lifetime. I hope you’ll pay special attention to the benefits of the Big Picture Partnering approach and its benefits. This is what I coach, and am passionate about because it's where I see couples create the relationship they desire and achieve their dreams together. Use the free resources to help assess your own relationship style. [...]

Relationship Reset: Owning Your Core Message to Build Strong Communication

If there's one thing the past few challenging years have been consistent about, it's highlighting our struggle with communication - shining a light on communication strengths & weaknesses. When those weaknesses took control they created bigger and bigger divides between partners. Dr. Jan's video tips highlight common communication struggles and how you can overcome them when you commit to your core message. Her video tip about owning your core message is a pretty amazing one for partners and couples. ⠀ SHARE THIS VIDEO From YouTube with someone you care about 🎥 https://loom.ly/-Dmp9T8 🎬 ⠀ This is just one of Dr. Jan's many tips and techniques for couples who want to strengthen their relationship - whether they're just starting out in life together, or they're working on their Golden Anniversary. ⠀ ⠀ ✍ Reach out and set up your complimentary Discover Call to learn more techniques for you and your partner this year. Or... ⠀ ⠀

Relationship Reset: Improve Agreements by Closing the Loop

TO CLARIFY AGREEMENTS + BUILD TRUST BETWEEN YOU Couples often wonder why they run into difficulty with follow-through in their relationship. One of them thinks they have discussed everything and made a "final" agreement, only to learn later that either -- ➡ there's been no follow-through ➡ nothing has been done ➡ their mate didn't realize it was an agreement, or "forgot" ➡ or, the topic comes up again for more discussion! All of this leads to frustration for one or both partners. Closing the Loop on Agreements Promised can Strengthen Relationships and the Trust Between Partners Years ago, I outlined a 4-Step process to help couples and partners avoid such misunderstandings and arrive at mutually satisfying win/win decisions and follow through. The final step (often missing) is what I call CLOSING THE LOOP! 🎥 Watch and Listen to the video NOW above, if you haven't already. You'll also find the video, among a series of others, on my YouTube Channel at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lOazhuxLmJk.  Make sure you unmute and turn up the volume. When you're ready, visit our FREE Resources page for more information, publications, tools you and your partner can use to help you avoid common communication confusion many other couples have experienced at one time or another. 👉https://loom.ly/9zR5jA0 👈

Relationship Reset: Learn to Grow Stronger Together by Standing Still

You don't have to be loudest in the room. You don't have to be the most visible. Sometimes, you can be strong for you both in a more simple way. In this video, Dr. Jan shares that one SIMPLE STEP - one that can provide a HUGE POSITIVE IMPACT on your relationship and change negative communication patterns between you. She calls it "Standing Still." ⠀ SHARE THIS YOUTUBE VIDEO with a couple you care about today. 🎥 https://loom.ly/HshT-N8 🎬 ⠀ ⠀ Standing Still is a bit paradoxical! It's STOPPING any old behaviors that have not been working. Yet this is not passive. Here's the key - If you're not getting the positive results you want - and the same thing happens time and time again when you try to address it the same old way, then stop. By stopping you can focus on what you are feeling when this happens between you. You can focus on what you really want. You want to be effective, right? Of course, you do.⠀ You want a good relationship - and owning your part in the kerfuffles or battles or disengagements is the FIRST STEP. So, stand still and reflect. Learn a new way - a better way.  ⠀ 👉 Reach out for a Complimentary Conversation or sign up to be notified when our online courses become available. ⠀ 👉 You can also download a FREE Relationship Communication Style Assessment for you and your partner to review together.

How Do We Keep Our Relationship Healthy and Strong?

Couples coaching to clarify your goals and give you the relationship tools and skills gives you confidence you be able to achieve your dreams together! The pandemic and massive cultural shifts these past few years have brought out the best, the ho-hum, and the most challenging in couples' relationships. The data is mixed. Some sources note that 34% of married men and women ages 18 - 55 years report impacts of stress on their relationships. Some report dramatic increases in divorce filings between 2020 and the previous year. Yet other indications show increased resiliency, strength, even appreciation between mates. Work from home, flexible hours and greater income for many has opened options like never before. Everyone is embracing the need for greater mental health care and time with your family and loved ones is high priority we are all learning to integrate into our lives. With all these tectonic shifts impacting you, it's a great time to assess, retool and revisit what's most important in your relationships.   It's a Wrap—Or Is It? So, as we turn a page on this year, I encourage you to not just slam the book shut. Take this opportunity to assess your relationship and how you'd like it to be. You already know that when your relationship is new and it's easy to show your "best self," enjoy one another's company and imagine a bright future together. As you blend your lives and daily responsibilities, other parts of ourselves, needs and demands [...]

Crafting Your Career and Life Story One Life-Stage at a Time

Careers, businesses and family lives develop through a series of phases. When fully—some would say success"fully" lived—each phase has an arc that rises, peaks, descends and resolves as the next begins. If you approach your career, business and personal developments with this natural structure and rhythm in mind, it allows you to live the current stage fully, anticipate and plan for next phase. This is true no matter your age, life stage or generation. Coaching can help you excavate these aspects of your life, oftentimes making a life feel richer in the reflection and taking intentional action. Nowadays, with such long-life, you have the opportunity to approach each decade, each 10 - 15 year phase acknowledging an underlying natural rhythm, focusing the arc of your activities toward outcomes—the personal and career growth, self-development learning and chronological life-stage accomplishments you desire—as you design, craft and create your life story. If you are a business leader, business owner or entrepreneur, on this foundation you can successfully craft the arc of business developments and plan the future with eyes wide open. Couples and Dual-Career Couples can integrate personal and professional with eyes wide open.   It's Your Story—You Get to Rewrite and Build Each Stage When you acknowledge the context of multiple 10-15 year phases, your career story takes on personal meaning—because you write it, and live it. Like many authors, the outcomes for their characters are not always fully known, but various factors compel the actions and eventual outcomes. The [...]

How Do We Have Real Love That Lasts?

When you're in a long-term, committed relationship, it's sometimes easy to lose sight of whether or not you're growing together. Or even if your connection is strong. Authors like Scott Peck, whose work The Road Less Traveled continues to give perspective on love beyond the initial romance. Another powerful thinker is Bell Hooks. Her trilogy All About Love, Communion: The Female Search For Love and The Will to Change: Men, Masculinity and Love deeply explore aspects of this powerful human drive to connect. British philosopher and founder of the School of Life, Alain De Botton, has published many books and articles bridging the abstract of love with everyday life. Here's a short essay I included in my coaching guide for couples, Big Picture Partnering: 16 Weeks to a Rock-Solid Relationship. It focuses on the aspect of differences between people which is where so many people question the depth of their love. Yet, paradoxically, that's where a deeper, more enduring connection, can be forged. Intimacy and Emotional Connection Intimacy is getting to know someone who is different from yourself, then making space for those differences and accommodating those unique qualities in a relationship. It doesn’t mean you have to like everything your partner does, or necessarily agree on everything. Rather it is a non-judgmental caring, a desire to know another person that develops out of a sense of openness and curiosity about another person, how they experience life, what they value, enjoy, desire. It is also the willingness to share the [...]

Skip to content
Go to Top