As a couple, you expect to be not only romantic partners, but also to partner in the business of creating a home, managing work-lives and possibly raising a family together. Stressors and uncertainties brought on by the coronavirus pandemic—the necessity to be-at-home for an even longer extended time—may be exposing the signs and symptoms of your relationship strengths, as well as your weak spots.
Let’s break this down…
- Self-Care and Addressing Your Relationship Needs
- The Benefits of Working it Out Together
- Five Essential Habits of of Committed Couples
While the data is not in on impacts of this pandemic on couples, families and the society at large, we do know that when couples do not partner well it exacerbates feelings of disconnection. It leads to loneliness, living like “roommates” and many times, it leads to divorce. The accompanying fears and decisions the coronavirus situation calls for—the short and long-term impacts—can be overwhelming. Especially if you don’t know how to stay connected and communicate well through the stress. It will increase any fissure between you.
Addressing Your Relationship Needs Is Part of Self-Care
The phase we’re entering now, with it’s mixed messages about what to do and how to respond—is undoubtedly magnifying your couple connection. It may even be increasing the divide between you. If left unattended, disconnect or trouble spots in your relationship could be kicked under the rug. Ignored for the short-term. Tripped over down the line.
It takes some energy and commitment to pay attention and do something to make improvements now. But these will benefit you now and for the rest of your life together. When you are strongly aligned, have the tools and skills to communicate and work together, you can partner through anything as a couple. Even the stages of this pandemic, the challenges of balancing parenting, schooling and working at home.
Just like a well-run company has a culture, a mission and a philosophy, a well-run household is headed by you two, as a leadership team who partner for the sake of your family, your careers and the thriving life you want to keep creating together. When you attend to a balance or integration of daily details—the running the household and schedules—with some personal time, talking time and fun stuff, you can keep the spark of romance alive. When it becomes too entangled, both the daily details and the romantic success typically falter.
So, the more committed you are to your values and priorities, the more conscious you are of your needs, and the more creative and flexible you are, the smoother your life will run. No, under these uncertain condition it will not be perfect or always consistent. But the more you care for your relationship, the more you’ll have time and energy to manage everyday life. You’ll also retain a focus on your evolving Big Picture goals together. Goals that require “Re-Visioning” during these times.
The BIG Benefits of Working It Out Together At ALL Times
It’s simple. When things are going well, couples who partner are aligned and clearly aim for the same outcomes as a couple. They function as the lead-partners of their household, and their life.
- Agreeing to partner and stay focused together
- Committing to be fully accountable for their agreements
- Seeking what’s best (not what’s perfect) for each individual
- Fully supporting one another’s needs and desires
- Working creatively to build a mutually satisfying life together
The BIG Benefits of PARTNERING During Stages of the Pandemic
The pandemic is just one example of crises that people face. Like all crises it forces everyone to make crucial, sometimes life-changing decisions rapidly. Having partnering connection gives you the flexibility, the skills and the ability to pivot and make decisions together. Without this capability, during good times and challenging times couples get bogged down. Things that were shoved under the rug are tripped over. It slows you down, zaps your energy and ultimately causes many couples to never achieve what they had hoped for.
The 5 Essential Partnering Habits of Committed Couples
1. You are on the same page with your values and priorities.
Your life activities are focused on these key priorities. You create systems and communication to stay aligned and cooperating. You work together so that everyone’s needs are met.
2. You consciously learn and implement a partnering mindset, skills and tools.
You want to reach for your dreams individually and together, so you use the partnering tools to both Smooth out Daily Details and to Keep Your Big Picture Dreams Alive.
3. You learn a new way to manage conflict together.
If your communication styles are different you agree to learn a mutual style of resolving conflict together. You use time-outs and schedule talk times to stay connected. You create a conflict-free zone and seek advice or help when in trouble.
4. When the going gets tough, you put difficult topics and issues “On The Table” to resolve them together.
You seek to stay connected and not blame one another. You know when issues are” On The Table” you can resolve them together. You seek Win/Win, mutually satisfying solutions for both of you.
5. Setting positive goals to and work toward them together is something you consistently do.
You desire to grow together and to create a fulfilling life together at every stage. So you annually establish Individual, Couple and Family Goals. You follow-up frequently to make your goals a reality.
Reflect on your own relationship.
What aspects of your relationship feel like strengths, and how can you identify your weak spots? Then, in case you missed it, be sure to read the article Keys to Confidence, Security and Emotional Connection for Couples
- Check out our video tips and resources here.
- If you haven’t already, download the assessment of styles of relating and reflect on how you’d like your relationship to be. You can find this on our FREE Resource page – You’ll be guided to think about where you’ve been and the destination you desire. What has characterized your relationship up to this point in your lives, and how would you like your relationship to look a year from now?
- You can always contact Dr. Jan directly – Reach out for a complimentary discovery call to discuss your needs and best ways she can help.