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janhoistad@drjanhoistad.com

How Do We Have Real Love That Lasts?

When you're in a long-term, committed relationship, it's sometimes easy to lose sight of whether or not you're growing together. Or even if your connection is strong. Authors like Scott Peck, whose work The Road Less Traveled continues to give perspective on love beyond the initial romance. Another powerful thinker is Bell Hooks. Her trilogy All About Love, Communion: The Female Search For Love and The Will to Change: Men, Masculinity and Love deeply explore aspects of this powerful human drive to connect. British philosopher and founder of the School of Life, Alain De Botton, has published many books and articles bridging the abstract of love with everyday life. Here's a short essay I included in my coaching guide for couples, Big Picture Partnering: 16 Weeks to a Rock-Solid Relationship. It focuses on the aspect of differences between people which is where so many people question the depth of their love. Yet, paradoxically, that's where a deeper, more enduring connection, can be forged. Intimacy and Emotional Connection Intimacy is getting to know someone who is different from yourself, then making space for those differences and accommodating those unique qualities in a relationship. It doesn’t mean you have to like everything your partner does, or necessarily agree on everything. Rather it is a non-judgmental caring, a desire to know another person that develops out of a sense of openness and curiosity about another person, how they experience life, what they value, enjoy, desire. It is also the willingness to share the [...]

Relationship Reset: Regular Talking + Listening

Simple Talking Creates Connection 🤔👂 To keep your relationship strong – or to rapidly improve it – try this time-tested tool developed I developed years ago and that hundreds of couples swear by. You, too, can benefit from its positive impact on your relationship and personal success. Our observational research shows that... 👉 when couples do Regular Talking + Listening their relationship improves 👉 when they don't, their relationship doesn't improve 👉 and, when they use this tool some of the time... (drumroll!) their relationship improves "some of the time!" ✍ Simple Talking + Listening creates an on-going “thread of communication” so when you’re super busy or life’s demands keep you from enjoying long stretches of one another’s company, you are still up-to-date on things that are most important to your mate.-- 🎥 Watch and Listen to the video NOW. Make sure you unmute and turn up the volume. Then, when you're ready - visit our FREE Resources page to download the one-page handout you can use to help you and your partner avoid this common confusion which many couples have experienced at one time or another. 👉https://loom.ly/9zR5jA0 👈

Coaching Handles Difficulties of Divorce so You Don’t Destroy Relationships or Endanger Your Business

Business owners facing divorce need support, guidance and an expert sounding board to make many unplanned for personal and business decisions. Resentment. It's the dreaded aftermath, the emotions that hand on, the “R” word that undermines a divorce and delays the healing process that must take place after. For business owners or partners, entrepreneurial or dual-career couples navigating separation and divorce in this day and age, the issues are increasingly complex and the stakes are high–both personally and professionally. This is even more fraught if there are children in the picture on the personal front. If you have children how you deal with adversity will be a model for them in their lives. On the business side how you work through your break-up or divorce can have ramifications for employees and others around you. So care for all is required. This can be extra stressful for you. This article will show you how a good coaching can help you manage resentment in divorce so it doesn't destroy your relationships or deplete your business in the process. Managing resentment that oftentimes and commonly accompanies divorce, behaving with grace and dignity, and making wise decisions for the long-term benefit of everyone involved, will ultimately result in a healthy, happier you. It will preserve many relationships, allow your family to function together when occasions arise, and safeguard your business and career interests and often preserve the assets. But how do you do it?  Going through divorce is not a time to [...]

Coaching Solutions for Couples: Big Picture Partnering

We Believe in Couples and Partnering Well Done. When it comes to couples, ours is a unique approach to relationships. It’s for committed couples who dream big. You want a thriving life. Your relationship, family life, professional pursuits, and maybe even a growing business are all of piece. You want all aspects comfortably melded, yet sometimes it’s important to disentangle them to make sure each facet is thriving on its own. We are here to help you smooth out your daily details and reach for your greatest visions. Learning how to do this together is invaluable. We know how to help you get there. This article covers the following: Our Approach Our Vision A New Model Success Additional Resources The mindset, skills and tools of the Big Picture Partnering coaching approach, developed by Dr. Jan Hoistad, are especially helpful for professional couples with two careers, entrepreneurial couples with one or two businesses, or the couple with one overseeing the household organization while the other works in the business. It’s all about coming together around values and vision, making decisions together—partnering towards the same end goals and life vision together. And having more fun in the process.   Work as a team. Focus on your values, clarify your vision and work toward your dreams together The Big Picture Partnering Vision: We believe mature, fully self-expressive people, surrounded by relationships and partnerships that support prosperity and fulfillment on all levels, can make the greatest and most generous contributions to the world. [...]

If Divorce Seems Inevitable Here’s Where to Start

  Coaching Can Help You Handle the Many Difficulties of Divorce, so You Don't Destroy Relationships or Endanger Your Career or Business   The Covid pandemic and lockdown strengthened many relationships. However, it's also strained many to the point of separation and divorce. Numerous couples ready for divorce in early 2020 had to continue living together because of the virus and the dangers of moving a household. Others could not afford to separate and divorce due to economic hardship. The line to attorneys and divorce court has increased in recent months as we've moved from full lockdown to social distancing and society opening up gradually again. This article breaks down information and tips for those who are facing a strained relationship that is inevitably heading toward divorce court. Understanding what you are experiencing Steps to stabilize yourself during a divorce Understanding your legal options How to become better at negotiating Additional resources In my work as a Business, Career, and Relationship Coach and Strategist, I’ve worked with individuals and couples at all stages of relationships for over 35 years. As someone who has worked on both sides of relationships—coming together and growing apart—I'm a firm believer in gaining perspective on these major life decisions by seeking coaching help. Then if you still decide to end the relationship, do that with help. So you proceed with grace and dignity. You have to live with yourself and the consequences for the rest of your life, especially if you have children [...]

Successful Business or Career Transition Planning Should Always Include Your Mate

Navigating Career Transitions Together During COVID-19 The Pandemic has been challenging on all levels of business, career, family, couple, and work relationships. I wrote this article before the pandemic hit, and hit our business lives, career trajectory, and pocketbooks. Work from home (WFH) is now highly endorsed by many, yet not possible depending on the industry and family needs. Business owners, dual-career couples, and couples in business together are spinning with demands. So reading this, your perspective on transitions you had planned before may be enlarged to include not only transitioning out of a company or high-level job down the road—but maybe a shift or major reroute altogether. Some of you are leaving your company and taking a new position. Or your mate is. Or maybe you need to have further discussions about going into business together. Or one of you wants to go back to school to be retooled. Retirement or slowing down may be pushed down the road. Either due to economics, recent life experience or just the facts and changes brought about internally or externally, the concept of "transition" may now need to become "revision" or "re-imagine." And you need to do it together. Because you impact one another. Like a mobile one parts shift and they all shift. Psychologically we're called on to change. To be created in our responses. Not immediately in some circumstances, but that's the ultimate outcome we need to open to. So those that use imagination, who "imagine" and "re-imagine" will [...]

When You Feel Stuck—Or Choose to Remain—In A Difficult Relationship

Post pandemic updates: The world has truly changed since the pandemic. Not only health, but mental health has come to the forefront. Some of these issues are curable, heal-able or fixable. Others, everyone is hopefully learning to manage through self-care and other mitigations. Some mitigations are small changes or shifts, and others are more dramatic, even drastic adjustments. Difficult relationships can zap your energy, cause self-doubt or bring out negative behavior. It's important to focus on taking care of yourself. Having outside support makes this easier. When these health or mental health concerns are your own, you have more control. You get to decide. To choose. To act. Very often, however, such concerns may be experienced or created by someone close to you at home or work.  Especially when it's family members or very close friends, it's not possible to exit. That's where feeling stuck comes in. Let's unpack the topic. Hopefully it will be of help. This article is divided into the following sections: Introduction and Resources Facing Challenging Relationships Example Situations 9 Tips to Help When You Live With Difficult People or Have Challenging Situations in Your Life When You Feel Stuck—Or Choose to Remain—In A Difficult Relationship With Someone Who Will Not, May Not, or Cannot Change The Pandemic has brought out the best and the worst in relationships. While there are no data on the numbers of people in difficult or disastrous relationships as yet, we do know that large numbers are struggling—be it [...]

Tips for Dual Career Couples Navigating Careers and Life Together

You’re a committed couple who dreams big. You want a thriving life. At various times, managing it all can be complicated. Your relationship, family life, professional pursuits, and maybe even a growing business are all pieces you want comfortably melded. Sometimes it’s important to disentangle them to make sure each facet of your life is thriving on its own. And that you are working together well, making decisions well, and supporting both your individual and couple goals and needs. At different stages of life and relationship, all couples face decisions or transitions. I call them "choice points."  Sometimes these choice points are easily resolved, and at other times they require or even deserve that you spend time reflecting on the long-term impacts your decisions will have on your future. Such choice points are a good time to slow down so you can speed up with confidence. Talk together about what's most important to you individually and what you value in your togetherness. Choice points are a great time to seek coaching to stay on track with your goals together. Couples who come together with a common relationship style learn to make decisions more smoothly together at such choice points in their lives. The Big Picture Partnering™ approach to relationship coaching, developed by Dr. Jan Hoistad, is especially helpful for professional couples with two careers, entrepreneurial couples with one or two businesses, or the couple with one overseeing the household and family organization while the other works in the business. Blending [...]

Suggestions to Eliminate Disruptions So You Can Run a Successful Business Out of Your Home

  This is an article with practical suggestions for the HOME-BASED Business Owner, or any of you considering running your business from home. Just Because I’m Home Doesn’t Mean I’m Not Working 12 Tips to Train YOURSELF to run a successful business from home Running a successful business from home is a continual work in progress. Not only organizing your space but then there's setting boundaries for your mate, kids, maybe pets, and delivery people, as well as setting work-life balance limits for yourself.  I used to do all my paperwork, writing, and coaching phone calls from home. Then I'd schedule clients in person and them at another co-working location. Separating locations helped me to focus on each type of task—the business of running a successful business at home versus time with clients focused on their needs. Then there was the pandemic. Like you, I brought my enterprise home full-time. Together business owners and families pivoted and we are all now well versed in running successful businesses from home. Some more smoothly than others. As the world opens up again, some workers really do want to go back to the office because of the stressors caused by disturbances at home. While these owners really do love their mate, their kiddos, and their pets, managing it all can be overwhelming. In 2020, the SBA noted that about half of all small businesses were home-based out of 31.7 million. Surprisingly, 3rd Quarter 2020 also yielded the start of more new businesses than [...]

Couples and Career Transitions: 4 Steps to Maximize Your Success

In spite of the pandemic and many other life challenges right now, people are moving up and moving on in their professional careers. Valued mid-career employees are seeking and being offered advancement in company leadership and scope of responsibilities. Others are encouraged to expand or strengthen their skills, participating in further training needed by their company as it prepares for the future. Others are anticipating an exit and next life stage, with thoughtful succession planning that will impact their company's next phase. Each of these situations brings its own set of circumstances that employees need to face. For some it's longer hours, managing and leading more people, even relocation to a different part of the country. For some it's deciding if they are willing to move internationally and all that entails. No matter how welcomed, job changes and career transitions are stressful. They are stressful when you are growing within a company at the same office. Stress in compounded when transitions are required frequently. Or if they involve a myriad of changes. This article breaks down in the following way: How to Include Your People in Your Career Transition 4 Steps to Integrate Your Personal Life and Career for Greater Success For many, the opportunities and challenges are both exciting and daunting, especially as the world and the world-of-work is changing - and we don't know how it's all going to land just yet. Then we can't forget there's the personal side of things that factor in! Considerations such as [...]

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