You’re a committed couple who dreams big. You want a thriving life. At various times, managing it all can be complicated. Your relationship, family life, professional pursuits, and maybe even a growing business are all pieces you want comfortably melded.
Sometimes it’s important to disentangle them to make sure each facet of your life is thriving on its own. And that you are working together well, making decisions well, and supporting both your individual and couple goals and needs.
At different stages of life and relationship, all couples face decisions or transitions. I call them “choice points.” Sometimes these choice points are easily resolved, and at other times they require or even deserve that you spend time reflecting on the long-term impacts your decisions will have on your future. Such choice points are a good time to slow down so you can speed up with confidence. Talk together about what’s most important to you individually and what you value in your togetherness. Choice points are a great time to seek coaching to stay on track with your goals together.
Couples who come together with a common relationship style learn to make decisions more smoothly together at such choice points in their lives.
The Big Picture Partnering™ approach to relationship coaching, developed by Dr. Jan Hoistad, is especially helpful for professional couples with two careers, entrepreneurial couples with one or two businesses, or the couple with one overseeing the household and family organization while the other works in the business. Blending your career and personal life and giving you the mindset, tools, and skills to successfully to do is the aim of our relationship coaching.
When you smooth out your daily details and reach for your greatest visions together, your life at home and the office, together and apart, is energized, more fun, and rewarding. Through Big Picture couples coaching, when we clarify your long-term vision and current needs, then strategize doable steps to get you there together, it’s invaluable.
Choice Points: Where work and home life come together.
Busy dual-career couples who are successful at navigating personal and professional differences learn how to play on the same team. No matter how large or small, no matter the topic—be it financial management, parenting styles, political points of view, religious affiliation, cultural traditions, or others. They do four things to keep their relationship rock-solid. You can use these tips, too.
Focus on the Big Picture.
Why are you together? This is the common denominator—the core—of your relationship. Remember that what’s important are the core Couple Values and Mutual Goals that brought you together in the first place (family, friends, contributing to the community and the world, and so on.)
De-escalate tension and use humor.
Spot when a conversation is turning heated and practice de-escalating the tension. Take a time-out and come back when you’ve cooled down. Practice listening to one another’s views on non hot topics so you really hear one another without being defensive or thinking about your rebuttal. When all else fails, use humor. Wallpaper the bathroom in cartoons on the subject—whatever the topic of difference may be.
Support one another’s uniqueness.
How your individuality is expressed may be through very different avenues—different creative outlets, participation in different sports activities, friend or professional groups. Sharing how you value these qualities in yourself and your partner makes them seem less different, scary or opposite. Especially when you focus on what value it brings to the relationship, and maybe even to your attraction. It might get boring if you were too much the same. Look to appreciate what you each bring to the relationship.
Remember, these are issues—this is not about your commitment.
Remind yourselves that any difficulty or difference is about an “issue” or “problem” and not about your relationship itself. When you are committed, you are in it together and you can face anything if you do it together.
Additional Reading in Our Blog and Here:
- Learn How to Face Demands of Life and Business Stages Together
Plus Other Resources:
- Check out our video tips and resources here.
- If you haven’t already, download the assessment of styles of relating and reflect on how you’d like your relationship to be. You can find this on our FREE Resource page– You’ll be guided to think about where you’ve been and the destination you desire. What has characterized your relationship up to this point in your lives, and how would you like your relationship to look a year from now?
- You can always contact Dr. Jan directly – Reach out for a complimentary discovery call to discuss your needs and best ways she can help.