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janhoistad@drjanhoistad.com

Relationship Reset: Improve Agreements by Closing the Loop

TO CLARIFY AGREEMENTS + BUILD TRUST BETWEEN YOU Couples often wonder why they run into difficulty with follow-through in their relationship. One of them thinks they have discussed everything and made a "final" agreement, only to learn later that either -- ➡ there's been no follow-through ➡ nothing has been done ➡ their mate didn't realize it was an agreement, or "forgot" ➡ or, the topic comes up again for more discussion! All of this leads to frustration for one or both partners. Closing the Loop on Agreements Promised can Strengthen Relationships and the Trust Between Partners Years ago, I outlined a 4-Step process to help couples and partners avoid such misunderstandings and arrive at mutually satisfying win/win decisions and follow through. The final step (often missing) is what I call CLOSING THE LOOP! 🎥 Watch and Listen to the video NOW above, if you haven't already. You'll also find the video, among a series of others, on my YouTube Channel at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lOazhuxLmJk.  Make sure you unmute and turn up the volume. When you're ready, visit our FREE Resources page for more information, publications, tools you and your partner can use to help you avoid common communication confusion many other couples have experienced at one time or another. 👉https://loom.ly/9zR5jA0 👈

How Do We Keep Our Relationship Healthy and Strong?

Couples coaching to clarify your goals and give you the relationship tools and skills gives you confidence you be able to achieve your dreams together! The pandemic and massive cultural shifts these past few years have brought out the best, the ho-hum, and the most challenging in couples' relationships. The data is mixed. Some sources note that 34% of married men and women ages 18 - 55 years report impacts of stress on their relationships. Some report dramatic increases in divorce filings between 2020 and the previous year. Yet other indications show increased resiliency, strength, even appreciation between mates. Work from home, flexible hours and greater income for many has opened options like never before. Everyone is embracing the need for greater mental health care and time with your family and loved ones is high priority we are all learning to integrate into our lives. With all these tectonic shifts impacting you, it's a great time to assess, retool and revisit what's most important in your relationships.   It's a Wrap—Or Is It? So, as we turn a page on this year, I encourage you to not just slam the book shut. Take this opportunity to assess your relationship and how you'd like it to be. You already know that when your relationship is new and it's easy to show your "best self," enjoy one another's company and imagine a bright future together. As you blend your lives and daily responsibilities, other parts of ourselves, needs and demands [...]

Stop Being “Nice.” A Guide for Straight-Talk Guidance that Grows Your People

At the gym the other day, stretching before a workout class, two men were sparring nearby. Mid-30’s, and mid-40’s, with humor but focused. Glove-less jabs and shoe-less rapid-fire kicks flew, interspersed with the ding-ding-ding of a timer set to note the end of each short round. Between each round, straight-talk, rapid-fire feedback was given, received and incorporated into the next practice round. These two were totally focused on increasing skills and achieving better performance. One man more advanced giving feedback to grow the other’s competence at something they both care about. Sports leaders are hired for their ability to grow individuals and a team. They are quickly fired when the skills do not improve, when the team does not go on to succeed. Measurements of growth and success are clear. Everyone is there to improve skills. For team success. They are there to get better. It made me think of the difference between the sports-world and the business-world. We expect and seek out straight-talk coaching in the world of sports. We hire trainers to kick butt - to lose weight, get stronger, avoid injury or achieve whatever our physical goals. We hire them for straight-talk, tough-love. So we get better. The Stakes Are High There’s far less consistency in giving, receiving and incorporating straight-talk input clearly aimed at growing the skills necessary to achieve individual and company success. Many people in positions of authority (here I include leaders, managers, even parents of emerging adults) avoid opportunities to grow their people. [...]

Are You a Target for Negativity in a Toxic Work Environment?

Are you in a company or corporation and feel like you have a bulls-eye pinned to your forehead? Are you in a position of attracting undue negative attention from your boss and coworkers? Do you wonder “How did this happen? It’s never happened to me before. Why ME? Why now?” If this sounds like something you’re experiencing, even though it may not make logical sense let me describe what may be going on and give you 10 Tips to “Ground” Your Lightning Rod Aspects. But first, let me explain the basic dynamics that are going on in such a dysfunctional system. The Analogy of a Dysfunctional Family In dysfunctional families, there is a concept called the IP or Identified Patient. This is the one family member who is like a “sponge” for the family negativity—secrets, things unspoken, co-dependency, addictions, lies, and so on—all the dysfunction. That “elephant-in-the-room” stuff that nobody talks about in dysfunctional systems. Thus it stays dysfunctional and people act "as if" it's normal—or even defend it. Like a Sponge: The Identified Patient often soaks up all the negativity and feelings in a family. It's confusing and sometimes they feel they really are bad, wrong, or embody the characteristics assigned to them. So subconsciously they take on the dysfunction and acts it out until they become conscious of the dynamic and hopefully get support and coaching to change their participation in the system. Which can be an uphill battle. Becoming a Scapegoat: The IP becomes identified as The [...]

Crafting Your Career and Life Story One Life-Stage at a Time

Careers, businesses and family lives develop through a series of phases. When fully—some would say success"fully" lived—each phase has an arc that rises, peaks, descends and resolves as the next begins. If you approach your career, business and personal developments with this natural structure and rhythm in mind, it allows you to live the current stage fully, anticipate and plan for next phase. This is true no matter your age, life stage or generation. Coaching can help you excavate these aspects of your life, oftentimes making a life feel richer in the reflection and taking intentional action. Nowadays, with such long-life, you have the opportunity to approach each decade, each 10 - 15 year phase acknowledging an underlying natural rhythm, focusing the arc of your activities toward outcomes—the personal and career growth, self-development learning and chronological life-stage accomplishments you desire—as you design, craft and create your life story. If you are a business leader, business owner or entrepreneur, on this foundation you can successfully craft the arc of business developments and plan the future with eyes wide open. Couples and Dual-Career Couples can integrate personal and professional with eyes wide open.   It's Your Story—You Get to Rewrite and Build Each Stage When you acknowledge the context of multiple 10-15 year phases, your career story takes on personal meaning—because you write it, and live it. Like many authors, the outcomes for their characters are not always fully known, but various factors compel the actions and eventual outcomes. The [...]

Tips to Survive a Narcissistic Boss or Toxic Work Environment

Over the past 35+ years, I’ve coached some pretty amazing, highly competent career coaching clients through difficult work relationships, into exit strategies if needed, and on to recovery from business or corporate PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome.) It happens all too frequently. I felt compelled to write some basic guidelines to help you through a tough circumstance. We'll break this article down into the following sections: Tips for Survival Identifying the Toxic Boss Acknowledging Narcissistic or Toxic Behavior Your Experience with a Toxic Situation How to Take Care of Yourself Healing Afterward Workplace Toxicity and Trauma Tips For Survival We often hear about ineffective employees. What about the lethal, abusive, toxic, or harassing boss, manager or co-worker? No matter how much money you are making, how prestigious the position or how high-paying the salary, being treated this way takes a huge toll on your energy and productivity, your psyche, and your soul. There are few things worse for the human spirit than working all day at a job that you experience as boring or where you're disengaged. Right up there is also if you're spending hours in a negative environment. Experienced as even worse for the human psyche and soul is working with toxic or abusive people. Even if the abuse is not aimed "at" you, observing others being bullied, undermined, or maliciously being gossiped about or shunned—mean behavior—is a signal such behavior could always be turned on you. It sets people on high alert. Who Is The Toxic [...]

Advice If You Have a Difficult Boss or Work in an Unsafe Environment

There are few things worse for the human spirit than working all day at a job that is boring, spending hours in a negative environment, or working with toxic, narcissistic, or abusive people. Over the years I’ve coached some pretty amazing, highly competent, even high-level clients through difficult work relationships, into exit strategies if needed, and on to recovery from business or corporate PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome.) It happens all too frequently. I felt compelled to write some basic guidelines to help you through a tough circumstance. Who Is The Toxic Boss or Co-Worker? What Do You Experience? Seek an Outside “Reality Check” When You are Experiencing Toxic Symptoms Additional Resources to Help You Take Care of Yourself Short List of Generic Suggestions and Guidelines to Know When to Seek Coaching If you’re working in a corporation or business environment where you are underappreciated, undervalued, or out-and-out abused by a narcissistic, harassing, or bullying boss, manager, or co-worker, implement these guidelines because when you’re in an already unsafe situation you do not want to make yourself more unsafe. Dysfunctional or toxic leaders behave inappropriately, disrespectfully. They can be overtly or covertly abusive, demeaning, and bullying. Seek help if you are in a toxic work environment or working for a narcissistic boss.   Who Is The Toxic Boss or Co-Worker? We often hear about ineffective employees. What about the lethal, abusive, toxic, or harassing boss, manager, or co-worker? No matter how much money you are making, how prestigious [...]

Relationship Reset: Regular Talking + Listening

Simple Talking Creates Connection 🤔👂 To keep your relationship strong – or to rapidly improve it – try this time-tested tool developed I developed years ago and that hundreds of couples swear by. You, too, can benefit from its positive impact on your relationship and personal success. Our observational research shows that... 👉 when couples do Regular Talking + Listening their relationship improves 👉 when they don't, their relationship doesn't improve 👉 and, when they use this tool some of the time... (drumroll!) their relationship improves "some of the time!" ✍ Simple Talking + Listening creates an on-going “thread of communication” so when you’re super busy or life’s demands keep you from enjoying long stretches of one another’s company, you are still up-to-date on things that are most important to your mate.-- 🎥 Watch and Listen to the video NOW. Make sure you unmute and turn up the volume. Then, when you're ready - visit our FREE Resources page to download the one-page handout you can use to help you and your partner avoid this common confusion which many couples have experienced at one time or another. 👉https://loom.ly/9zR5jA0 👈

3 Productivity Coaching Practices that Pay Off in a Big Way

Career coaching leads to a successful career path and develops efficient productivity. An expert coaching partner to achieve your goals will support and guide you to go further, faster. There’s a 10,000-hour rule to become The Master of a new skill. You don’t have to be brilliant. Or Number One. Or perfect. Just persistent. Malcom Gladwell discusses this mastery that comes with repetition and practice in his book Outliers: The Study of Success. Such mastery applies to basic routines that will make your work life or business run more smoothly and successfully. No matter who you work for—if you are the boss or you work for someone else—take ownership of your job, your role, or your company. Own it as if you own the company, and your future depends on it. And put these productivity practices to work. They’ll pay off in a big way! 1. Get up early; Establish a daily morning routine Scientific studies show that early risers tend to be more optimistic and proactive. They use this quiet time to plan the day or week. It also helps them anticipate problems and set long-range goals for their career or company's future. Some early risers do their thinking while exercising. Some like to get into the office before anyone else arrives, close the door, clear off the desk, review their goals, and start the day afresh. Another common practice of successful early risers is capturing their thoughts in a journal or diary over a morning cup [...]

Tackle a Career Transition or Job Change with Confidence

My 27-year-old goddaughter just completed her Master's Degree in Career Counseling and landed her first major full-time position within the University of California educational system. And, she did all this during the Coronavirus pandemic! What made the difference in her successfully launching her career path you ask? As I observed Emily create her path, it was a strategic, step-by-step, evolving journey that took into account 1.) her current needs and over time 2.) fully embraced her future wants. It involved a conscious willingness to stretch out of her comfort zone while also having the support, coaching, and mentoring from professors, employers, and professionals. Of course, like each of you, she'll go through a number of these transitions as she grows in her career and integrates other personal aspects in her life. Happily, she's discovered a "formula" that will be useful each time she enters a new phase. You can implement this self-discovery formula too. No matter your age or career and life stage, this approach—a strategic step-by-step, evolving journey—toward your next career/life transition is going to reap you the life and career that you will call "success," and that will allow you to thrive. The rest of this article will tackle the following topics if you continue to read through: Forging a Career and Life Path You Love Salary Breakdowns by Gender and Occupation from PayScale data More Examples of Pandemic Career Transition Success Ten Year Survey of Job Changers Tips to Approach a Job Change Career coaching helps [...]

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