In any relationship, communicating and and lots of interacting, in and of themselves, do not ensure that you will feel emotionally, mentally, or spiritually connected all the time. That is unrealistic.
Take the example of Pete and Barb
Pete’s role model was his dad, a verbally abusive alcoholic. While Pete was neither abusive nor alcoholic, under stress, such as when Barb thought they needed to spend money on the kid’s winter boots and finances were tight—not knowing another way—Pete reverted to the hostile refusal to discuss things he’d seen his dad use while growing up. At first Barb tried to reason with him, but over time she became more and more timid. Their relationship deteriorated. It didn’t matter how big or small the issue or topic, they could not talk or connect on almost anything.
In desperation, they turned to me and coaching in the Big Picture Partnering way. They learned the steps and tools of this approach and worked hard to change a relationship gone sour.
The work didn’t always feel good. Nor was it easy to talk—but they did not want to sacrifice their years together. They didn’t regenerate their longed-for, in-love feelings for many months as they talked through even the most mundane things they had been unable to previously discuss. Gradually however, trust developed, and a new sense of closeness grew as they consistently applied the tools of Big Picture Partnering.
While Pete and Barb are an extreme example of a couple in pain, In my experience when couples are committed to making the change, they are often able to turn a difficult relationship around with help. They create a new, stronger relationship, having come through hard times and learning new skills and tools they apply together.
ADDITIONAL GREAT READS FOR YOU
- In contrast, check out the story of Irina and Milo whose relationship “appears” Traditional in their surface roles, however they relate in a true Big Picture Partnering way. This impacts all aspects of their connection—communication, decision-making and intimacy.
- Or – read about Harvey and Lenore who partnered creatively together and made dramatic lifestyle and work changes.
- Then Marybeth and Ron are an example of facing tough differences in what they wanted, but exploring it by partnering together came to a happy solution.
Reflect on your own relationship.
- What aspects feel ‘merged’ to you? Consider if this is due to choice, possibly not claiming or communicating your own needs, or an unconsciousness on both your parts—possibly acting out role models in your families.
- Then, in case you missed it, return to the article Keys to Confidence, Security and Emotional Connection for Couples to continue learning about all 4 relationship styles.
- And if you haven’t already, download your relationship style assessment here
- Learn more about our unique approach to Couples Coaching now.
- Or check out all of our online coaching programs and events by visiting drjanhoistadpartners.com/online-courses-events/
MORE RESOURCES
- Chet and Sue were first introduced in the book Book Picture Partnering: 16 Weeks to a Rock Solid Relationship, learn more here.
- Learn more about the Big Picture Partnering Coaching approach.
- Contact Dr. Jan for a Complimentary call to discuss your needs here.
As an executive, career professional or business owner, having a supportive, strategic coach and consultant who empowers you to confidently clarify and achieve your desired outcomes is invaluable. Coaching helps you work more productively and lead more effectively.
While Dr. Hoistad cannot promise to remove outside demands, she can help you prioritize, set goals and strategies so you and your team function at peak performance.
♦ Executive Coaching, Leadership Coaching, and Business Consulting. Develop awareness of how your decisions affect other areas, your people and your future goals. Fully aligned, make decisions for best possible outcomes.
♦ Partnership Coaching for business owners, partners, teams, entrepreneurs, dual-career couples and couples in business together. Become fully aligned so you work together better, achieving business objectives.
♦ Career Coaching for individual professionals and dual-career couples. At all stages of development; during times of transition; when considering a relocation; when desiring to integrate personal life goals with your career.
With her unique “Big Picture” perspective, Dr. Jan partners with you as you transition through choice points in your career and business life. Her focus is on helping you clarify what you want, identify what’s in the way, and strategize a step-by-step plan so you achieve your goals.
Dr. Jan brings her expertise in human development, system dynamics, entrepreneurship, business growth, partnering, communication and creativity to her clients who become catalysts for change in their businesses, careers, and personal lives. She has helped numerous professionals, business owners, and teams achieve ambitious career and business goals, healthy relationships, and a greater quality of work and life.
“When an experienced professional incorporates Dr. Jan’s coaching and consulting solutions, you can almost feel their body relax. They become excited again. More hopeful, they remember what they love about their work as, together, we turn burdens into doable strategies that achieve their future goals.”
-Dr. Jan Hoistad
