How Embracing Your Grown-Up Self Deepens Your Love, Strengthens Your Partnership 

By Dr. Jan Hoistad


Effective communication deepens connection and strengthens relationships. Like a good workout, “building the muscles” of a strong, mature adult self is a necessary foundation on which to grow long-lasting, healthy communication. Learning how to “build the muscles” of a strong, mature adult self is crucial for successful, confident professionals and couples. It is only when you can relate to others from a mature place that you can create and achieve individual and mutually satisfying goals.

This version is for personal partners. Below you’ll find a slightly altered version with language suited for your professional life. The skills are the same. As you practice them you can expect to generalize them to all aspects of your life—improving all your relationships.

Kindle ebook or pdf formats

“…There is much daily evidence that our marriage reaps great benefits from the Big Picture Partnering approach. As a bonus, my husband and I each feel we are more thoughtful and intentional about our partnering, and more adult in both our behaviors toward each other and in our separate work lives. Dr. Jan’s approach and workshop should be required pre-nuptial training!”


Mary, Happy Big Picture Partner with Husband, Both 3rd Time Around

“…We’ve learned to stay Adult and the impact on our life has been immense. We have moved so much closer again and despite our hectic schedules make time for each other; when we spend time together our exchanges are so much more meaningful and relevant because we learned to open up, listen to one another and allow one another to express true feelings and dreams. And then add a dose of creativity and you end up with something truly exciting!”


Sarah, With Husband, Successful Coaching Clients

“Dr. Jan Hoistad has created a wonderful couples’ development program that is not only reader-friendly but is also indicative of her warm and embracing style.  As indicated by her book’s title, each chapter is written for the respective week in her overall program. The chapters focus on creating greater self-awareness about partnering styles, developing a proactive commitment to self and other, assessing and adjusting communication styles, increasing awareness of problem solving and conflict resolution styles, ongoing evaluation of individual and couple strengths/limitations and embracing creative change together.  Throughout her text, she also provides charts that clearly illustrate her concepts in ways that clients and interested others would be encouraged to use in their daily lives.”


Doug Greenlee, LMFT, Book and Media Review Editor MN Marriage & Family Therapy Newsletter

“I have been reading your book and have been so impressed with the voice, the style, the writing, the approach….it’s all very “Dr Jan,” at once helpful and graceful, inspiring and commonsense. Just a killer combination of qualities. It is going to do SO well and will be my wedding gift of choice to my children (even with no wedding in sight!) and my friends’ engaged children. Such good and solid advice!”.



Andrea, Mother of 3 Marriage-Age Young Adults

“…All is great with our family. There is not a day that goes by that I am not thankful for your role in helping me understand how to create a healthy adult relationship with (my wife.) I am more in love with her today than ever…”


R.S., Happy Husband and Partner

“…Last year we almost got divorced. We started working on our relationship about a year ago, which helped us start taking care of ourselves as “adults.” Our relationship improved quite a bit during the last year, but we reached a point in therapy that we leveled off and weren’t learning anything new. Your books and your coaching explain these issues so well and goes into such depth. We spent a lot of time working through this chapter. Now that we’ve gotten into it and see how valuable it is, we are excited for more and will put more time into it!”


Donna, Long Marriage Saved Through Partnership Coaching

“Most loving couples want a relationship of partners, but the skills for nurturing and encouraging the healthiest and most exciting of relationships are not skills we’re born knowing. Dr. Hoistad leads us through them, step by step, helping couples identify the differences between being a true partner and being less than adult. However, she does all this without guilting or blaming either partner, which keeps both halves of the couple engaged in the entire process. She calls on us to become fully mature adults, an exciting journey but one too few of us know how to take — for that help alone, this is worth the read!

Her guidance is practical and easy to follow, her exercises fun and rewarding. If you read through this book together and work through the exercises together, your relationship WILL change — there is no way it cannot.”


Pam Nettleton, Author, Author of Getting Married When It's Not Your First Time and How to Live With a Middle-Aged Man

“…We liked the step-by-step guidance of how to stay in our Healthy Adult in conversation with each other about a variety of topics. We found the structure to be really supportive to our partnering process with each other—but also with other people in our lives…”


Karen and Paul, Engaged Couple, 2nd Time Around