Tell Me What You’re Thinking: 117 Questions to Help Any Couple Grow Closer

By Dr. Jan Hoistad


‘Tell Me What You’re Thinking’ will help you and your partner begin many rewarding conversations together about who you are and what’s important to you. These 117 simple, fun questions will help you learn what your partner most likes, dislikes and cares about―and will help them discover the same about you.

The questions are separated into 9 topic areas. You may focus on one topic at a time so that your conversations stay focused on one aspect of your life together. Or you can open the book randomly to any question and mix them up. Either way, these questions can help your intimate partnership become deeper and more rewarding―one question, answer, and conversation at a time. Sit down with your partner and ask a question. Then simply listen, letting them answer it however they please, while you pay close attention.

You’ll learn things about them you might never have learned otherwise. When they’re done answering, feel free to ask them more about their thoughts and feelings on the subject. Then it’s your partner’s turn to ask you a question. You may answer the same question or choose another at random. Enjoy!

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Tell Me What You're Thinking - Book Cover

“The TELL ME conversation book has been a hit as a wedding gift for my twenty something friends. I felt like I was giving them something that could contribute to a stronger relationship, rather than just a kitchen utensil or bath towels.”


Annie, Grad School Student

“We’ve been married for 31 years and still learned new things about one another!”


Linda , Married to Dan 31 years

“I looked at the TELL ME conversation questions with my husband the other day. They were great for bringing up topics we think a lot about, but don’t always share with one another about. They are really nifty!”



Laurie, Married 15 years

“It sounds ridiculous after dating seriously for 4 years, but doing the TELL ME questions, each of us taking a turn without knowing what the other would say, provided a venue to truly talk about our individual thoughts and opinions, rather than just responding to situations as they happen in our lives.”


Sarah and Nathaniel, Engaged to be married

“Jeanne and I have been using your TELL ME conversation questions at the lake over a cocktail on the porch for the last couple of months and they are really good questions.  At first I thought: “Oh, I know how she’ll answer that” and then something new comes out.  We’ve really had fun and some unexpected discussions!”


Kim C., Serial Entrepreneur, Married 8 years

“Your TELL ME questions get people talking. Our friends like them because the questions bring up stuff to talk about.  You think that you know someone really well but we always learn something new.  For us it’s about getting the chance to be heard with no distractions.  Maybe they should be called the “hearing cards”! “


Katie and Joe, Married with preschoolers